Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
