You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
