i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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