I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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