Me. At least after what I've been through.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize