he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
