your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize