If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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