i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
