I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize