I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
