hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
