Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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