Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
