it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
this beer tastes like vomit already
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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