Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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