I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
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Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
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I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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