just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
please come you make the beer taste better
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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