hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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