Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
