He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
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you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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