I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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