No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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