Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
