We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
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When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I believe in your delicious
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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