FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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