Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
it hurts more in the daytime
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
