wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
