You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
