I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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