I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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