I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
