Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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