i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
