Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
