Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
