Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
