i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
