Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
