I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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