I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Randomize
