I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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