the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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