i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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