garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why do cheetos always look like penises
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
