Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
