his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
