Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
