he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
