She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
