paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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