For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
