my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
