Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
