so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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