Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
