he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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