so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
