Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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