perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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