she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
