Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
